OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
