You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
