Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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