you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
