8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
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