If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Randomize
