I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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