My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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