I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
