he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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