This girl is more easily done than said...
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
