I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I'm bleeding and have questions
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
