We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
