I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
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