May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
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