Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
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