Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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