I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Randomize
