A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
