I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
