Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
