Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
