Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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