she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
