If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Success! We fucked roommates!
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
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