If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
