Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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