I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Success! We fucked roommates!
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