I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
