Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
