Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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