he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Randomize
