There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
