Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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