Pregnant stripper...not hot.
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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