She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
