u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
