Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Girls should come with a carfax report
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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