Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
