Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
