just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
