apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
