I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Randomize
