YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
