dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
