You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Randomize
