It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Randomize
