ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize