She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
