marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
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