i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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