Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
home. puking in laundry basket.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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