my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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