Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
