I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
