Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize