I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
