I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Randomize
