i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
