Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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