This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
