no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
