Small penises have feelings too.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
