I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
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