Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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