Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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