Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Actions speak louder than pants.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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