Duck Duck Cougar?
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
