Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
