Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
