her facebook's as public as her vagina
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
