just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
