I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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