drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
