You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
