i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
