He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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