dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I accidentally burped into my bong.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
