Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
