ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
