there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
