i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
