That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Randomize