I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Randomize
