Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
