he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Randomize
