Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
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