The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Randomize
