you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
