The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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