I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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