This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
