so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize
