how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Ladies don't puke and tell
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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