Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
