OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
