I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Randomize
