She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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