4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
