he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
