You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
