She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize