im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
