Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
