I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
