I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
