This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
