Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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