My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I have demons in me.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Randomize
