hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I love you. Go after that dick
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
