sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
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