Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Randomize
