Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
