whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
