I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
