yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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