plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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