It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize