I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
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