Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Randomize
