Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
